[His voice is strained.] I was made by her. I mean without her...I wouldn't be here.
And she's nice. I mean it's going to sound immature but she is wonderful and I just wish...I wish I could convey that. You see when you said she's cruel that's just not true at all. She deserves better from all of us.
[He stares at his hands.]
...But I don't...
...Living?
[The pain on his face is palpable] What's important to you?
Books - not even the Bible - tells the whole story.
That's why I'm talking to you in person.
You think it's simple, don't you? You know God personally and so you have everything figured out. But haven't you found that being here is much more complicated? Viewing the swarm of ants from afar isn't the same as living among them.
[That's too close to home and Gabriel's attempt at being understanding crumbles slightly.]
It's not my fault.
[Does he sound petulant? Yes. He shakes his head.]
...I couldn't leave. Someone had to manage things. Do you-
[he spreads his hands wide, leaning forward to stare at him and spread his hands.]
I supervised departments that made the trees and my voice moved the spheres of the cosmos. The power that my brothers and I had to overtake...Had to oversee? We kept things going. She has been quiet and I had to be in charge.
[Gabriel puts his head in his hands, running his fingers over his hair, before he drags his fingers through his hair. He shakes his head and gestures.]
It's not easy. You all just seem to think it's easy and I'm fucking tired of it.
[He gets a refill of his previous order and eyes Gabriel.]
You think that simply having faith will bring happiness, don't you? I lost that faith a long time ago in a system that hurts the most innocent. I had to look elsewhere for a sense of belonging.
[As a detective, he probably should already know this and he wouldn't blame Gabe for pointing that out - but he wants to know exactly what the archangel thought of as clues himself. In his own words.]
[It's something he'd had to deal with all his lie, first personally then professionally. Sadly, there was so much corruption in the name of religion. Sometimes it was difficult for Loki to separate that from pure faith in a higher entity. It had been so ingrained in him as a kid and he continued to fight against it.]
Are you that sure that demons are bad? 'Cause I've spoken to a few here and they seem pretty reasonable.
[He has his limits. Mentioning Crowley and how he and Aziraphale lived and were happy without her - how a demon could make someone happy and inspire love.
He couldn't do it right now. He just couldn't.]
I can't. I can't say anything good about them right now, not after all of this. The wounds are very very deep.
[The hilt of a phantom sword flickers in his grip. A metaphorical burning leather grip, silver and blessed by her. They curl over his hand in a pair of wings. They're his wings, he is made of wings but when he threw them down from heaven he had four wings and speed, clashing with his former brothers and sisters.
Now things would be more civilized. There'd be papers and firing and erasing them from computers. Here though in his mind there's the smell of silver blood and burning wings.
His nostrils flare and he stares at his shoes before nodding.]
Yes.
Angels can feel anger and bitterness and regret.
We didn't always. Not before Lucifer. Not before the morning star. It was peaceful and loving. Then he taught us anger. And regret. And those who followed him did the same.
[his lip curled.] Which demons have you talked to?
Lucifer, who claimed to be in charge of Hell itself and another one who claimed to be a Biblical demon but I didn't catch his name. He was planning a wedding and he name-dropped you though.
I tried to punish his husband. He used to be my coworker before he was...mutated by him. Aziraphale was a terrible employee and a generally shitty person but he was still my coworker.
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Date: 2020-01-13 02:28 am (UTC)From:If God did not exist, what would be most important to you?
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Date: 2020-01-13 02:30 am (UTC)From:[His voice is strained.] I was made by her. I mean without her...I wouldn't be here.
And she's nice. I mean it's going to sound immature but she is wonderful and I just wish...I wish I could convey that. You see when you said she's cruel that's just not true at all. She deserves better from all of us.
[He stares at his hands.]
...But I don't...
...Living?
[The pain on his face is palpable] What's important to you?
no subject
Date: 2020-01-13 02:35 am (UTC)From:That's my job. That's what I do. I've dedicated my life to solving mysteries, both criminal and spiritual.
You're the latter.
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Date: 2020-01-13 02:42 am (UTC)From:[Gabriel's eyebrows raise and he laughs harshly.]
I'm Gabriel. The archangel. I'm not a mystery, You all know everything about me. I'm in the book.
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Date: 2020-01-13 02:47 am (UTC)From:That's why I'm talking to you in person.
You think it's simple, don't you? You know God personally and so you have everything figured out. But haven't you found that being here is much more complicated? Viewing the swarm of ants from afar isn't the same as living among them.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-13 02:54 am (UTC)From:It's not my fault.
[Does he sound petulant? Yes. He shakes his head.]
...I couldn't leave. Someone had to manage things. Do you-
[he spreads his hands wide, leaning forward to stare at him and spread his hands.]
I supervised departments that made the trees and my voice moved the spheres of the cosmos. The power that my brothers and I had to overtake...Had to oversee? We kept things going. She has been quiet and I had to be in charge.
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Date: 2020-01-13 02:59 am (UTC)From:Or there was, before you came here.
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Date: 2020-01-13 03:04 am (UTC)From:[Gabriel puts his head in his hands, running his fingers over his hair, before he drags his fingers through his hair. He shakes his head and gestures.]
It's not easy. You all just seem to think it's easy and I'm fucking tired of it.
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Date: 2020-01-13 03:21 am (UTC)From:We all have our struggles. Our own issues. Our own problems.
It's the differences in an angel's problems over a human's problems that interest me most.
You're seeking happiness. You cling to it, at all cost. Would you say that's accurate?
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Date: 2020-01-13 03:30 am (UTC)From:[Happiness is serving her.]
Why are you so confused by that? If you're happy she'll be happy with me.
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Date: 2020-01-13 03:42 am (UTC)From:Or humanity in general?
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Date: 2020-01-13 03:45 am (UTC)From:[he pauses]
...But coffee first. I will buy it for you since I am polite.
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Date: 2020-01-13 03:58 am (UTC)From:[He gets a refill of his previous order and eyes Gabriel.]
You think that simply having faith will bring happiness, don't you? I lost that faith a long time ago in a system that hurts the most innocent. I had to look elsewhere for a sense of belonging.
What do you think of organised religion anyway?
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Date: 2020-01-13 04:05 am (UTC)From:[Gabriel accepts the coffee.]
I gave humans the clues she told me to give humans. You all built it, I just had to give you the building blocks.
[His eyes widen and he laughs a little sadly. More then a little sadly.]
...God does not play games with the universe.
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Date: 2020-01-13 04:11 am (UTC)From:[As a detective, he probably should already know this and he wouldn't blame Gabe for pointing that out - but he wants to know exactly what the archangel thought of as clues himself. In his own words.]
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Date: 2020-01-13 04:16 am (UTC)From:That good and evil are real and that there was a schism between the two. [He exhales]
That we as angels are good, demons are bad. Then we...tease you into point A or point B. You had to make a choice.
That's what we were told to do. She staked a claim for the souls of the good and righteous.
The rest of it, priests and such. You all built that and a lot of it was wrong. It's extremely frustrating.
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Date: 2020-01-13 04:34 am (UTC)From:[It's something he'd had to deal with all his lie, first personally then professionally. Sadly, there was so much corruption in the name of religion. Sometimes it was difficult for Loki to separate that from pure faith in a higher entity. It had been so ingrained in him as a kid and he continued to fight against it.]
Are you that sure that demons are bad? 'Cause I've spoken to a few here and they seem pretty reasonable.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-13 04:43 am (UTC)From:[He has his limits. Mentioning Crowley and how he and Aziraphale lived and were happy without her - how a demon could make someone happy and inspire love.
He couldn't do it right now. He just couldn't.]
I can't. I can't say anything good about them right now, not after all of this. The wounds are very very deep.
...Anything else?
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Date: 2020-01-13 04:45 am (UTC)From:no subject
Date: 2020-01-13 04:51 am (UTC)From:Now things would be more civilized. There'd be papers and firing and erasing them from computers. Here though in his mind there's the smell of silver blood and burning wings.
His nostrils flare and he stares at his shoes before nodding.]
Yes.
Angels can feel anger and bitterness and regret.
We didn't always. Not before Lucifer. Not before the morning star. It was peaceful and loving. Then he taught us anger. And regret. And those who followed him did the same.
[his lip curled.] Which demons have you talked to?
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Date: 2020-01-13 05:07 am (UTC)From:[Of course that was Crowley.]
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Date: 2020-01-13 05:08 am (UTC)From:Name-dropped me?
What did he say about me?
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Date: 2020-01-13 05:17 am (UTC)From:But when I mentioned an angel, you were the one he first thought of.
no subject
Date: 2020-01-13 05:20 am (UTC)From:[Ignore him. That's exactly what he wants.
Of course it is. Gabriel looks tired.]
I tried to punish his husband. He used to be my coworker before he was...mutated by him. Aziraphale was a terrible employee and a generally shitty person but he was still my coworker.
[Which is weird. Who's wedding is he planning?]
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Date: 2020-01-13 05:45 am (UTC)From:(no subject)
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