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[would you be afraid to become a fallen angel if you disobeyed

His features go white. Stark white before his jaw clenches and his lip curls upward in a sneer. It dissolves into a smile again.

He remembers.

He has a sword in his hand. He can feel the pommel and the grip. There is a smell, the first smell, brimstone and you would think it was easy but in the higher levels before they tried to work things out...

Michael roars commands and his wings are spread skyward. Angels are reaching for him and in a rabid fit of something he roars and a thousand mouths roar with him and his thousand eyes fill with fury. They betrayed her. They betrayed her...

But. Lucifer here is not as bad as his brother.

Outwardly he's quiet as he reaches for his coffee and takes a very long sip. And then he sets it aside.]

...would you want to never see your mother again?

[the words are spit out.]

...I will not fall. I will never fall.

[The reaction - subtle as it may be on the surface with just those venomous words - isn't unexpected. He knew it was a difficult question of a being such as this. But the words stung anyway and Loki blinks hard, looking away until the stress-filled facial tic subsides.]

I can't really answer that.

[He finally says very measured and quietly. He stares at his coffee then downs the remainder in a big gulp. He still hasn't looked again at Gabriel.]

I never knew my parents. I was abandoned.

[Gabriel has three reactions to this. The first is pity. The second, concern. The third...well the third is "of course he'd get it" but instead this man is truly bothered. He looks upset and he's not looking at him.

Annoyance at him, anger fills his mind and he reaches for another sip of his coffee.]

My...

My mother abandoned the fallen. She does not acknowledge them or love them. Would you wish that feeling, this feeling you feel on someone?

[He frowns.] I'm sorry. I think I've said something wrong.

[David shakes his head, blinks a couple more times and rubs his face as if he has a headache.]

No. No, it's fine.

And no, I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

I get that you'd be afraid of being disobedient in that case. You saw what happened. So you kept yourself in line.

But still, being in fear of rejection shouldn't be a way to live your life.

[His features darken at that.]

It isn't rejection. It's what I was made for. Humans, you see, were made - indeed cursed with free will-

[And you have it too. Gabriel. He can practically hear Crowley's mocking tone and sincere desire for...what? To hurt him? Something unreadable crosses the other human's face and he finishes his coffee - feeling that now familiar delicious buzz - before he sighed.]

And the point is that I do too. And I can choose. I chose to stay with her and ...and be afraid because without people like me nothing would get done. Sometimes people just...sometimes people just need to be...

where they are.

[He sighed] I'm sorry. I don't think I'm making any sense.

I've had parents who think because they made their children then that means they can do whatever they want to them. That isn't right and your God letting people have free will can be a mixed blessing and curse but it's still better than being forced to obey.

Don't you think so?

I think I get it. You feel like it's your responsibility to do the right thing and follow her guidance.

Right?

And you think everyone should do as you do?

[Yes.

Maybe.

Yes.

Always Yes. I don't have a choice. How dare you assume I have a choice. That's so selfish I don't want a choice.

He loosens his tie and doesn't look at him, staring down at his feet as his body churns.]

It's-

[How to even begin to explain. He stares at him, hollow eyed, before he sets a hand on the table.]

If you could see your family. Have one. Feel that warmth and joy all the time. Would you want that?

[For David, that's perhaps a more difficult question than Gabe - or anyone else - thinks it is. He takes a moment to reply.]

That's an ideal that I don't believe exists.

[He's being a realist, but part of him would have liked that. He just feels so apart from it in his own life. Detached, even, from ever finding that sort of contentment.]

It sounds nice in theory.

[Gabriel has to think about that for a moment before his smile is genuine.]

...One of my favorite times of year is Christmas.

[This Christmas he spent it with the Hargreeves, trying to heal and understand them, but he holds out a hand.]

Do you celebrate it in your world?

That time of joy, that love, that warmth you feel. [He beams and focuses on it.]

That Christmas feeling. That love, that joy. Imagine that for eternity. Imagine it never ceasing. Imagine all the love you feel that one day that he gave you...eternal.

Is that what you feel? As an angel always serving your God?

[He asks, looking very directly and seriously at Gabe.]

I'm sure most people would choose to always feel happiness, if it actually was possible for humans to have that choice.

But that seems to also mean never to question it.

[Gone is the skepticism and even the anger. Now he looks confused and hurt.]

...Why would you want to question what makes you happy?

[He pauses] Wouldn't that make you happy? To...be surrounded by that same warm and loving feeling all year round?

That's what it's like to...to be there. To be with Her and in heaven and all she asks is to chose her.

We just can't interfere.

...wouldn't you want that?

Like I said, it sounds nice but it's unattainable.

I've never felt that sort of warmth. Not even at Christmas. Oh, I can see it from afar with families enjoying the holiday, but I'm usually working on that day and seeing the worst of humanity.

It's not something I can have. What you have with her.

[Gabriel looks comfortable at this. He settles back before smiling at him. Sincerely.]

We're on firmer ground here sir. My brother.

[He folds his hands] ...Are you tired of seeing the worst of humanity. Truly weary?

And is that what you want. That sense of feeling, that sense of warmth and love. Because I think I can at least...paint a path for you.

It doesn't matter if I'm tired of seeing it. It's there and all I can do is try to help through my duty as member of the police force. I'm not going to turn my back on that, even if the choice was eternal happiness. That'd be selfish if it was only for myself.

I can't take you to heaven, you have to chose to go - but if you want to remember the best of society and humanity can I suggest charity work?

[It's said totally sincerely as he sits back and folds his hands in his lap] People don't give me a lot of credit but I've always appreciated humans giving back. Taking a day, making a meal for someone.

Something that involves no violence, or pain, or at least not your pain but focus on the pain of others - the casual sorts of pain and donations and such that human beings do for each other.

You appreciate humans giving back... Are you doing any charity work yourself?

Apart from offering yourself up for this date auction.

No.

[He settles back] But there is a need and if you need it - which is what it sounds like you do - Then I should start something.

If you surround yourself with death and pain, that is what you'll create.

Being a detective isn't just a nine to five job that I can put away past business hours. If I'm on a case I rarely have any spare time.

Maybe here I could look into doing some charity work but it would be to help and not to simply find the better part of society. I know those people exist.

I'm a detective to help people, not to purposefully surround myself with negativity.

If you don't believe that total happiness is possible - are you sure that you haven't surrounded yourself with negativity?

[Gabriel stares at him and maybe slightly, ever so slightly, smirking.]

Total happiness means you're ignoring that everybody else isn't feeling that same happiness. It's not possible for the entire population of humans to all be completely happy at once.

...But everyone can have it.

[Gabriel settles back and looks genuinely confused at that.]

If you all make the right decisions. It's...It's not hard. [He laughs weakly] I just can't influence you all. None of us can. I know the system's not perfect but if you make the right decisions it exists.

Also. [He gestures]

I mean...okay I know this is going to sound weird but if you don't believe it's possible maybe you should do something in the off hours that doesn't involve killing people don't detectives kill people?

[He winces, blinks again a few times.]

... It's an unfortunate part of the job that sometimes we have to defend ourselves.

And it's asking a lot of humans to always make the right decisions. I wish that was the case. That people would just be kind to each other and get along and everyone be nice, but that's just not realistic.

[Gabriel pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a sigh because...because yes but also know and...humans are the worst kind of puzzle.

And then he straightens to study him.]

It's always this. It's always something. First you destroy the planet we spent eons on. Then you don't want to be happy. But you keep...pushing forward. And some of what you do is maybe not that...that bad! These means of coping you have. But you still hurt each other and to be honest I don't understand it.

[His teeth grit. Annoyed.]

I don't think many people really understand it either.

There are many monsters out there. They prey on the young and the weak and the helpless and they are all very much human.

But yes, many of us keep trying. Keep pushing forward and try to make things just a little bit better.

I refuse to give up when there's a chance of helping someone.

[He looks disgruntled at that because that's what he wants but-]

Then you should be happy about it and not be...sitting there like that. Just...talking about it like it's a burden. You're doing all the right things.

You should still come and do charity work with us.

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